Pearls of Wisdom
Foreword: Thorough out life we have all come across and at times coined bits of advice that have made our lives and the lives of those around us richer and more fruitful. Some of these are original thoughts and others are merely things I have heard over the years.
Never trust a naked bus driver. (Title of a book by Jack Douglas)
Never eat at a place called “Mom’s” unless the only restaurant in town is called “Eat”.
It is better to be luck than smart.
You cannot make things idiot proof.
It is alright to be incredibly stupid as long as you are the only one who knows.
If the cheapest thing to buy was the best thing to own, we would all be driving Yugos.
Growing old beats the alternative.
Never take a knife to a gun fight.
“Most projects require at least 2 people, one to do the heavy lifting, and another to do the heavy thinking.” (Tom Stovall)
Never play jump rope with a piece of chain.
It is better to be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt.
Don’t let your alligator mouth write a check that will bankrupt your sparrow ass.
If you come running up to something and everyone else is running away, turn around and run with them. Don’t stop till they do.
No matter how hard you try, you cannot baptize a cat.
Never hold a cat and a dust buster at the same time.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Judge a person by what is in their head, not by the clothes they are wearing.
Never use the phrase “well duh” in a conversation with your wife.
If you think the task is a bit risky, it is probably inherently dangerous.
If wine, women and song are getting down, quit singing.
A man with one watch always knows what time it is, a woman with a dozen watches will still be late.
Mad Cow Disease and PMS are not the same thing.
You can get more with a smile and a machine gun than you can with just a smile. (Al Capone.)
Those who tell you what you want to hear are not necessarily your friends, those who tell you what you don’t want to hear are not necessarily your enemies.
People who tell you what you don’t want to hear, respect you enough to tell you the truth no matter what. Cherish these people as friends.
To error is human, to forgive divine, to really screw it up, you need an engineer.
An engineering masterpiece does not necessarily have to work. However, it does have to snugly fit the shipping container.
If you laid all the engineers in the world end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.
A lot of people are not as dumb as you think, some of them are a whole lot dumber.
If you can’t walk and chew gum at the same time, what makes you think you can talk on the phone and drive at the same time.
The world does owe you a living, you just have to work like hell to collect it.
You will go farther with good techniques and little talent than you will with great talent and poor techniques.
Don’t sweat petty things and don’t pet sweaty things.
Don’t squat with your spurs on.
Don’t eat yellow snow.
You can tell when a politician is lying, their lips are moving.
There is nothing to be gained by kicking a skunk.
There is nothing to be lost by being nice to someone.
Youth and ambition are no match for age, cunning and treachery.
Never criticize a man till you have walked a mile in his shoes, that way you will be a mile away and have his shoes. (Bryan Black)
A man’s greatness is measured by the number and strength of his enemies. Old Native American Saying.
Treat the Earth kindly, you did not inherit it from your parents, you are borrowing it from your children. (This is attributed to many sources)
Show me a honest politician and I’ll show you a corpse.
If you are young and not a liberal you don’t have a heart, if you are old and not a conservative, you don’t have a brain.
Never mistake unwillingness for inability. I can’t usually means I won’t try.
“500 years ago in
Never try to teach a pig to sing, it wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Never jump out of a perfectly good airplane.
Money spent does not always equal value received.
If idiots had wings, most corporate offices would be airports.
It is foolish to do more of the same thing and expect different results.
Blame All and Praise All are two blockheads.
What gets measured gets managed.
The problem is not a lack of common sense, the problem is there is too much of it. (Aubrey Daniels.)
Nothing needs reforming like other peoples habits.
If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got.
Lawyers are not the scum of the earth, they are lower than that.
Never worry that things are as bad as they can get, rather, be terrified that this is the best it will ever be.
Experience is that portion of our knowledge that allows us to recognize a mistake when we make it again.
If you and your buddy are being chased by a bear, you don’t have to be able to outrun the bear, you just have to be able to outrun your buddy.
If you can’ laugh at yourself, you are taking life to seriously.
The difference between a woman with PMS and an Arab Terrorist is Lipstick.
The difference between an angry wife and an Arab Terrorist is, you can negotiate with the Terrorist.
Right is right even if you are the only one doing it. Wrong is still wrong even if everybody is doing it.
If our founding fathers were alive today, they would be plotting another revolution.
The price of freedom is not cheap. The check that paid for it is chiseled in stone and signed in blood.
You can tell a teenager a mile away, but up close you can’t tell them anything.
Nobody ever won a war by dying for his country. The way you win a war is to make the other (expletive deleted) die for his country. (Gen.. Patton)
The problem with politicians is they always leave us with one more war to fight. (I think this was Gen.. Patton too.)
The quickest way to get something done is to tell your teenaged son that he is forbidden to do it.
Unless you are the lead dog, the view never changes.
God punishes you for the transgressions of your youth, he gives you a child that is just like you were.
Having children is like being pecked to death by chickens.
If you raise your children according to Dr. Spock’s book, get the hardbound version. That way they will remember it longer when you smack them up side of the head with it.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandpa did, not screaming like the other people who were in the car with him.
Before you walk a mile in another man’s shoes, be sure he doesn’t have a foot fungus.
Christopher Columbus was the greatest con-man of all time. When he started he didn’t know where he was going, when he got there he didn’t know where he was, and when he got back he didn’t know where he had been, and he did it all on borrowed money.
After you are married, you can sell all your encyclopedias and reference books because your wife will know everything.
There is nothing as exhilarating for a young man as to be shot at and missed. (Winston Churchill)
Winston Churchill was full of crap. Been there, done that, it was no fun at all. (Woody)
Never get a tattoo. Sooner or later you might do something illegal and you want to be as hard to identify as possible.
The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.
There is no correct answer to the question “Honey does this dress make me look fat?” Tom Stovall
All those fancy gambling casinos in
The only diet that actually works is eat less and exercise more.
Most of the dieticians I have met are over weight.
If you can’t practice what you preach, shut up.
If you are not willing to die on your feet defending your freedom, be willing to live a short miserable life on your knees that can be ended at the whim of your master.
Never drink downstream of where the herd crossed. (Garey Ford)
Two anglers were having a discussion and opened quite a can or worms (Dale (Chopper) Russel
Never take a dump over a wolf trap. (Jr. Strassil)
Always remove the ramrod before firing your muzzle loader, it makes reloading much easier. (Jr. Strassil)
Just because a brick had 3 holes, it doesn’t mean you can bowl with it.
It is easier being a blacksmith than a carpenter. It’s a lot harder to stretch a board that is cut too short than a piece of steel.
There are old responders and there are bold responders, however, there are no old, bold responders.
It isn’t how many rounds you put down range that count, it’s the ones that hit the target.
Never mistake asthma for passion.
Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time. (Jr. Strassil)
Give me a sense of humor, Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, To get some humor out of life, And pass it on to other folk (Jr. Strassil)
I believe God gives special attention to prayers from blacksmiths because He knows if we could fix it ourselves, we wouldn’t bother Him with it.
I like to add, sum times. (Glenn Connor)
The race does not always go to the swiftest, it usually goes to the guy who knows all the shortcuts.
If man were meant to eat pickled fish, God would have put vinegar in the rivers and lakes instead of water.
How can you tell if yogurt is bad, it started out as sour milk.
That something green in your sandwich can be either lettuce, very good cheese or very old meat.
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. You can however, lead a horse to water and make him thirsty.
A camel is a horse that was designed by a committee.
Appointing a committee to study a problem is a politicians way of avoiding making an unpopular decision.
When you are up to your ass in alligators, it is hard to remember that your objective was to drain the swamp.
The simpler the problem, the more complex a solution politicians will find for it.
Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your children.
If jogging is so healthy, why do most joggers look like they are just about to die?
If you get plenty of rest, eat all the right foods, exercise vigorously and often, and abstain from strong drink you probably won’t live any longer, but it will sure as hell seem like it.
If you carry a scratch awl in you back pocket, sit lightly.
After a long hard day of forging, don’t sit on the anvil to take a rest.
A blacksmith uses all 4 known elements of the world, earth, wind, fire and water. (Glenn Conner)
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If your husband thrashes in his sleep, you are not pushing on the pillow hard enough. (This is one of the DG’s Favorites)
Don’t eat where the truckers eat, it is the availability of parking and the attractiveness of the waitresses not the quality of the food that determines where they stop
Now you can take it with you, there are travelers checks and banks all over hell.
I knew I married Miss Right, I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
"There is no 'right' reason to do something stupid" Dr Phil